3. ACUTE ART FAILURE | Rejection baby

Art keeps things alive. Keeps things spicy. Deviates from the boring mundanities of life. It helps us to question, celebrate, highlight painful truths, histories and untold stories. Some of it dogshit and some of it seismic, as that’s the usual combo of life. It’s all a matter of opinion and outlook.

I have been showing symptoms of acute art failure recently - disillusionment, frustration, apathy, racing heart rate. If you look in my inbox you would legit see one thousand rejection emails from residencies, job applications and grants. Making art feels like a 99% rejection rate. I don’t have much art to apply with right now nor is this rejection rate personal but, where is the line between tenacity and lunacy. How many rejections is too many? You can either give up because the constant rejection is crushing or you can just, carry on cowboy. You get one glorious life so keep it refreshed, reborn & renaissanced (sounds like Lady Gaga lyrics.) I occasionally hate the art world and how it makes people feel like they aren’t a part of it and in the same breath, I don’t know how we’d all survive without art.

As Benjamin Zephaniah says people will always need people.

Pretentious levels can be really high in the art world. Sometimes I think, what the actual shite are you on about? When I feel frustrated I just think what is the point of a piece of chewing gum on a shelf in a gallery that lots of people can’t afford to enter? As England goes into its King era, a millionbillion pound coronation whilst the nation goes hungry? Weird. In those disillusioned moments I think its best to just slink away and hit a pillow with a tennis racket because at least its silent and no one will be able to hear your frustration at the constant rejection, the pretentiousness of the art world, and just the world in general. I know that the next day I’ll be back in love with it all. I actually can’t wait till to go to The Tarot Garden one day!

Art knows I’ll always come crawling back.

When I talk of art I’m talking about the dance shows where someone jerks around the stage, their head covered with an inflatable balloon, spoken word poets speaking on their latest heartbreak, the bead of sweat as the lights go down on a drag queens forehead. The Instagram satirists shaming the latest lame politicians, the whacky outfits at festivals, the cheeky signs at protests, the guy dressed as a wiener at the airport for his stag. It’s everywhere. It’s so broad I don’t think I can actually even sum up what art is? Magic?

Listennnnn, how do we measure success anyway? It’s usually by money regardless of the methods to get that money, looking hot on socials, owning assets, wielding power over and not power with. Wanna see my Curriculum Vitae, sir?

Sometimes real success is managing a sip of water when you’re so hungover your hairband is hurting your head. Sometimes it is learning to live and thrive after a life changing brain injury. It’s very variable.

To quote Jim Reeve’s ‘this Earth is not my home, I’m just passing through’ and I’m so glad as I pass through I find hope, fun and solice in art.

I highly revere Amy Winehouse and Kae Tempest. I connect so deeply to their words. I realised both have talked of having brains that sound similar to mine. Busy, constantly swirling, hectic, in love with us as a people but unable to look away from human downfalls. I once surveyed a car park in the pouring rain because I had no freelance work. It was depressing and the locals all hated me because I didn’t realise it at the time but the questionnaires were a sleazy way of selling off the car park, depriving the estate of their space. I didn’t know what I was a part of but turned out I filled out the questionnaires wrong so I’m hoping that might’ve swayed things. I ended up soaked in torrential rain that day so I slid off my high vis and found a local library. I skimmed the shelves and landed on a book. About Amy.

Soaked in soul.

My dream is to own a community sculpture park, I just need a park. I reckon I’ll get there when I hit my 50s. In the mean time if you’d like to buy my bronze sculpture Paradise it’s for sale!

Here’s just some of the amazing art I’ve seen that has particularly stuck with me: