7. LOVE SENSATION | Who are ya?
KLARA & THE SUN by Kazuo Ishiguro
Love sensation. It’s such a good vibration. Love is a frequency. It is a strength to act with your heart. A heartless life is a sad life, soul-less. In the thousands of minutes that we exist across; break, ache, shake, breathe in. Life re-begins.
Our hearts run off electricity. Depolarised. Repolarised.
We too are running off electricity. Depolarised. Repolarised. Overcharged and overworked batteries, recharged, plugged in to social media and politics and work and opinions and horrors and nights outs and fun and love, running on red.
This summer I returned to the glorious Cyprus College of Art to continue working on my art inspired by our bodies. It was nice to see BITS in the yard, although bleached by the sun.
It was very hot again. Duh. As I laid in my bed at night like a hot dog, with frozen bottles of ice tucked down my top, I wished Amy Winehouse could sing me to sleep or Billie Holiday could serenade me whilst luminous streaks of moonlight danced across my face. There was no moonlight on my face, I would never keep the curtains open, I’m too terrified of bugs coming in. I’ve recently wondered why these fierce women always come to my mind.
I’ve struggled to write about these two new pieces I’ve just made, to be honest. They are based on the heart, the world’s favourite, most hyped up organ perhaps? I made them as my way to comprehend the current madness of the world. A reaction to the multiple devastating happenings and an urge for more love, more empathy, and for us all to unclad our hearts from ever-hardening camouflage.
I’m running the danger of sounding naïve, and I don’t want it to come across as though I think love will save everyone from apartheid, genocide, racism and disastrous governments and their inhumane policies. As Kae Tempest writes in On Connection, ‘the way we have decided to live on this planet is sinister and strange’. Agreed. I often feel like we live in a simulator, an online gameshow that we can’t meme our way out of. I listened to the beautiful words of Elif Shafak on The How to Fail podcast who said she thinks this is the ‘age of speedy consumption’. That, the ‘digital age has narrowed us down to slogans, almost. How do we find the language that serves peace and co-existence?’ She also said
“this is the age of existential angst and it breaks our hearts. What is not ok is to try and sweep all these emotions under the carpet. All emotions are a source of energy, and it shows we are not numb.”
I read a Tortoise newsletter most days to try to read neutral news. Within the few weeks I’ve been writing this, so much has happened and I’m aware of it all. The silencing of women in Afghanistan, the Pelicot case, the murders of Rebecca Cheptegei and Kristina Joksimovic, the continued injustice of Chris Kaba’s case, and for the people of Grenfell after the Inquiry, racist anti-immigration rioting in The UK, and nearly a year of Israel’s current devastating, terrifying genocide of the people of Palestine. Now, Lebanon. Yesterday alone I opened my phone and watched a video of a child taking their last breath in Palestine, crushed by rubble due to Israeli bombing, whilst the Prime Minister of The UK muttered sausages instead of hostages.
These are heavy times. The world moves fast. I guess things are normal in the sense that war, racism, fascism, colonialism, power struggles and maniacal governments are ollllddddd dahling. More of the same, strewn across our histories, that never cease, only to hide and silence themselves. Only now everything is witnessable to watch via our phones.
London, May 2024 - this protest was to oppose the killing of thousands of Palestinian people, & felt similar to being on the protest when Tony Blair led Britain into the Iraq evasion (2003?)
Ever-increasingly, I am stunned at the modern levels of national/international/intentional human cruelty. I have found Jewish Voice for Peace to be a useful resource, they are ‘Jews into solidarity with the Palestinian freedom struggle, guided by a vision of justice, equality, and dignity for all people’. I recently heard Motaz Azaiza speak at a Massive Attack gig, advocating for humanity, it was deeply moving, powerful and sad. I think of Bisan Owda often. Of Hind Rajab.
The dehumanisation of anyone is always devastating. Naomi Klein’s Doppelganger was very thought-provoking to listen to whilst making my art. She discusses many topics, including monstrous clowns who have reshaped politics in recent years // asks if we owe one another anything by right of our shared humanity // states that we do not want the children we love, to live in a world less alive.
I’ve not heard of this person before, but also listening to philosopher, activist and Professor, Cornel West on Ways to Change the World podcast was like an interesting and hopeful sermon, in which he says raise your voice in the context of unbelievable barbarity // there are many histories of people who have been terrorised who end up terrorising others // never be paralysed by despair.
It’s overwhelming, but be active, care about people that aren’t you or yours, ask dumb questions, make new opinions, protest, email your rubbish MP, donate money, speak up, post online, boycott companies, make sure to laugh, who knows. Is there always a capacity for hope? More heart? Tonight, people in London go to sleep in buildings clad with flammable materials, years on from the Grenfell fire. As Naomi Klein says in Doppelganger, she was ‘brought up with a directive, a sacred duty to oppose hate and discrimination in all of its forms no matter who the target’. Same.
I was happy to leave the residency having made two pieces over three weeks! My fabric delivery got delayed so I decided to weld something in the meantime. This trip I found a metal suppliers to look around, which I love, even though it used to feel intimidating. The staff here were welcoming, a sheet of steel was cheap cheap and I was happy that some of my rebar was still at CCA from 2023.
Whilst welding up HARD HEART, I began to wonder why some older hospital patients like such bland food. Tired taste buds, ready to settle down to a quiet life of weak tea and beige food and no salt, dear.
I love this Candi Staton song, and I also came across a song on Honey Dijon’s album Black Girl Magic that was the perfect anthem to weld to. I listened to Love Is, over and over……
“they say love is love, is the message that lives in my core. I dance for love, I work for love, I am love, mi Amor”
What’s your heart saying these days? Who do you choose to be? Burning with passion, rage, fuelling on and on, but live, laugh, love, right? Empathy levels high? Hardened heart? Stone cold bitch? Feel everything? Feel nothing? Heart less? Too much heart and soul?
WHO ARE YA is my first inflatable piece; it was fun and annoying to make. A big experiment. I took the blower in my luggage, which took up my bag and I could barely lift it. I don’t understand yet how to sew shapes so that when they inflate they are as I imagine but I enjoy sewing and I love inflatables. The first version I made, I was going for big is best, but the blower wasn’t powerful enough for full inflation and the shape looked mental. I reworked the shape with the precious time I had left and was happy with the result, but I’d like to continue developing this idea. I imagined the heart would inflate and deflate continuously, rhythmically against a beautiful sunset, but I need to get a better blower and learn some more inflatable skills.
On the flip side of these sinister and sad musings on the world, there was a lorra laughs during my residency. On my journey to the airport, I saw a woman run for the tube and fling a man’s sandwich out of his hand, then I sat on the plane next to two cute friends, making their way through two bloody marys, two rosès, and an easyJet charcuterie each. Happy birthday babes. Giggling about how ‘knowing their luck, they’d be reincarnated, as themselves again’.
Let’s go girls.
